Laugh at these Christmas jokes and funnies and roar at this hilarious humor section.

Christmas Humor

• Toy Store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."
• Bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
• Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."
• At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."
• A Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000."
• A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
• In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything... A calendar to remind him when payments are due."

• U.S. has 78 people registered under S. Claus and one under Kriss Kringle
• December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
• Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
• Number of reindeers required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 plus Rudolph.
• Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20.
• To deliver all his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second (at 3,000 times the speed of sound).
• At that speed, Santa and his reindeers would instantaneously burst into flames in Earth's atmosphere just like meteors.

• The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
• For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh.
• Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
• For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
• He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
• Men can't pack a bag.
• Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

• Santa doesn't deliver his presents on The Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.
• Santa's reindeer is so drunk that his nose glows as his navigator. A woman would never let out those cute deer to work on Christmas Eve that too in cold and perhaps would dress them in sweaters and booties.
• Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.
• Santa has never been known to answer a letter.
• Women aren't interested in stockings unless someone better looking than them is wearing them.
• As many presents as Santa delivers he has no trouble with babes.
• Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer and going up and down soot-infested chimneys.
• A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.
• Commitment requires that Christmas be on the same day each year. A female Santa would delay Christmas until she can touch-up her makeup and do her hair after leaving each house.